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5 Keys to Happiness

Have you ever been told you are “unreasonably happy?”

Is that one of the oddest things you’ve ever heard?

It was for me.

How can happiness be unreasonable? If I was giddy, or manic, or obviously unhinged, I’d understand the comment. But that’s never been the case. Those comments were directed toward me when my life’s circumstances were understood: I have two children with a serious mental illness, bipolar disorder. When other people learn that fact, they sometimes feel pity, or sadness, or some other negative emotion. I understand that. We never expect to have less than perfectly healthy offspring, and we certainly don’t expect people to be happy about the fact when they do. But how defeating is that attitude? I mean, really, since two of my kids have an inherited illness (that can be treated, by the way), I should live in a puddle of my own despair?

I don’t think so!

I think we are meant to be happy; and I’ve always made happiness my aim, despite the obvious let-downs and challenges. We can all make that choice. And it is a choice

Researchers from across the US, including groups at University of California at Riverside, University of Illinois, University of Minnesota and University of Pennsylvania, have studied happiness and all its intricate makings and workings. As I read their findings I identified five common components, or keys, to the development of happiness in anyone’s life, regardless of circumstance. You might be surprised at how simple it is to be happy.

The 5 Keys to Happiness:

* Develop Strong, Healthy Connections to Friends and Family

* Nurture a Belief in Something Bigger Than Yourself

* Create Goals Based on Your Values and Enjoyment

* Be Grateful and Forgiving

* Commit to Good Health through Good Self Care

Develop Strong, Healthy Connections to Friends and Family

Time and energy invested in friendships and family create fulfilling relationships, intimacy, and a support system for all involved. Every study I’ve ever read on happiness, longevity or wellness points to the fact that being connected to other people is vital to our well-being on almost every level. Loving, caring, intimate relationships benefit us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Family and friends are crucial - the wider and deeper the relationships with those around us, the better.

Nurture a Belief in Something Bigger Than Yourself

The second vital ingredient is having meaning in life, a belief in something bigger than yourself — whether it is religion, spirituality or a philosophy of life. This speaks to purpose and hope and faith all at once. No one religion or philosophy universally leads to greater happiness than another. The belief, not what is believed in, is what makes the difference. People who ponder the big questions in life and choose a belief system and path, even if that choice changes over time, are happier than those who feel hopeless and alone. Not a big surprise, is it?

Create Goals Based on Values and Enjoyment

The third key is having goals that mesh with your values and allow you to enjoy what you do. We find fulfillment by having goals that offer enjoyment and use our strengths and abilities. This allows us to get into the “flow,” an engrossing state that comes during creative or playful activity, according to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Athletes, musicians, writers, gamers, and religious adherents know the feeling. It comes less from what you’re doing than from how you do it.

Mr. Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced chick-sent-me-high-ee) describes flow as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.” Now that would make anybody happy!

Be Grateful and Forgiving

Develop gratitude and forgiveness. This is sometimes difficult, especially when you’re in a particularly challenging place. But the fact is, finding the good in any situation makes it easier to find your way out. Make lists of things for which you’re grateful, notice life’s small pleasures, and practice positive thinking. And finally, learn to forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Every major religion or philosophy cites forgiveness as a powerful tool toward redemption. It is a powerful tool toward happiness. According to author and lecturer Gregg Easterbrook, “Research shows that people who are grateful, optimistic and forgiving have better experiences with their lives, more happiness, fewer strokes, and higher incomes.” Be grateful. Learn to forgive. Then do it.

Commit to Good Health through Good Self Care

Most disease develops or is exacerbated by drinking too much alcohol, eating the wrong foods or too much food, failing to move enough or sleep enough, and failing to access medical screening tests. Many health concerns are avoidable if you commit to good health by taking good care of yourself. And then, of course, you’re better able to take care of those around you and pursue the goals you’ve set based on your values and skills. Eating right, getting adequate exercise and appropriate sleep, and seeing the doctor for regular preventative check-ups all lead to better health, which leads to greater happiness. And when illness strikes despite doing all these things, wellness, healing, or a sense of peace with the inevitable are more achievable if you’re committed to good self care. Good self care benefits everyone. Good self care, quite simply, leads to a healthier, happier you and a healthier, happier world.

Consider your options, your choices. Choose happiness. Embrace the 5 keys to happiness. And then BE!

To learn more about happiness, check out the work of these noted individuals:

* Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: http://www.brainchannels.com/thinker/mihaly.html

* Ed Diener, University of Illinois: http://www.psych.uiuc.edu/~ediener/

* Gregg Easterbrook, Author and Lecturer: http://www.greggeasterbrook.com

* Sonja Lyubomirsky, University of California at Riverside: http://www.faculty.ucr.edu/~sonja/

* Martin Seligman, University of Pennsylvania: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/seligman.aspx

Kate McLaughlin writes, speaks and advocates for mental health awareness. She is available to speak at events for high school & college students and faculties, as well as mental health support groups. Visit her at: Kate McLaughlin and read her newest book, MOMMY I’M STILL IN HERE.

I Am Not My “To-Do” List - Or Am I?

I fear for my life when the to do lists take over. Notice plural. I can’t live without them and I can barely live with them. Of course, there’s more than one. They grow, they multiply, they spawn themselves into more. I write my lists to capture all the stuff of life. I write lists of ideas that tend to fly. I write lists for the maintenance projects or new ideas for the corner garden I recently ripped out. It’s the chaos corner of the property planted with impossible roses. I’m about to give up on them. So there’s a list of replacement ideas. Then there’s the food shopping list that usually includes the drug store, drycleaner and hardware store. For groceries, I wonder why I bother to buy anything let alone make a list about it. I’m out in the world a lot for meals or I forget to eat what I bought. When I do finally get some groceries in the house I overbuy and so that doesn’t work either.

This list making thing started when years ago my Mom gave me this little red booklet in the midst of a personal crisis. The booklet was encouraging making a list of all the things you wanted for your life. Start writing and at the end of the weekend, and not before, she said, will we talk about it. O.K. Mom. I wrote lists, more lists, edited them, threw stuff at the page with great fury and exuberance. I wrote and edited in a storm. The next day those things that seemed exactly what I wanted stayed on the list. Other things that seemed great yesterday and now seemed ludicrous or totally alien to anything I would ever consider doing or being went away. By the end of the weekend, I had a handle on the immediate crisis and the beginning of some Light for a long term picture. I had run the marathon of non-stop list making.

What’s the difference between writing a vision for one’s life and making a grocery list. Little difference except the vision list needs more detail and the grocery list can be in shorthand. The point is to write it down; to be get on the page, to take the time to think about what we see for ourselves. Someone said to me the other day, I think we should all walk around with a wish list.

I meet unexpected people in unexpected places. In these meetings answers to questions get answered. Theses social moments often bring the very person I need in answer to a wish. And I believe having been clear on the page I am better able to recognize who this messenger is, that indeed, this is the person who can help me or who will lead me to where I want or need to go. I like this process.

I don’t remember Mom being a list maker except for groceries but she got this bee in her bonnet that sure turned me into one. I have noticed, once made, if I put it away I barely look at the list again. Things seem to take care of themselves. Do these lists have life? They seem to in my household.

Jill Butler is an author, illustrator, designer and creativity coach. Her product designs are specific to France as are her first three books. Jill now writes for women in transition and how the home and the personal transformation work hand in hand in her latest book, Create the Space You Deserve. For more, visit: Jill Butler.

What is the Distinction Between a Scheme and a Plan?

Have you even known someone–or perhaps it describes you–who falls for every “get rich quick” scheme they come into contact with? These schemes always are described as “work free” (also touted as passive income). They are supposed to be easy, fast, and foolproof (risk free). Just pay your money (usually several thousand dollars) and you too can make zillions of dollars in 20 seconds without any work at all.

Some people seem almost addicted to these types of purchases. Some have huge collections of success “packages” on their shelves, and have neither used them nor attempted to get a refund of their money. They experience a deep shame and embarrassment connected to the purchases. They seem to feel a sense of personal failure for not having made those zillion dollars in 20 seconds time…or indeed anything at all.

Indeed, they felt humiliated every time they looked at the unopened packages. Yet, in spite of all this, they continued to buy these schemes at every opportunity. For most, they did not stop buying until their credit ran out. What is happening here?

1.) They are usually in a state of financial desperation when they start down this path…so they are in a place of desperately seeking and needing a quick solution to their financial situation.

2.) It may be a part of the human animal to have a streak of laziness that breeds an unrealistic and unlikely desire for a magical and easy solution to the financial mess that took years to create.

3.) This desire for an easy solution usually has a huge rescue fantasy component to it. It is something akin to thinking a rich billionaire is going to come along to bail you out any day now. This rescue fantasy is triggered by the presentation of the get rich quick scheme. You just know that this scheme is the answer and can rescue you from your desperate financial situation.

4.) The whole dynamic is fed by a severe aversion to “getting a job”…fed to you by the same people selling you the scheme. Part of the psychology of these schemes has been to turn honest work into something to be sneered at…as if only a fool would work (synonymous with holding a job).

Everywhere you go, hordes of people who have never succeeded in their career work believe they are going to be successful in creating “massive passive income” in 20 seconds…without any work.

Now that we understand the intricacies of schemes, how is a plan different? A plan is grounded in everyday reality. It has a timeline that probably extends over years. It involves a lot of work–but hopefully it is work that you love and enjoy. If not, your plan will probably not succeed. Choosing the right plan is another topic. For our purposes here, it is enough to assume you have chosen a plan to do something meaningful that excites you. Here are some components of a plan.

1.) It consists of numerous, small, doable steps that you can easily do and/or learn how to do.

2.) It will take work, but is leading you somewhere to accomplishing something with deep meaning for you.

3.) When you consider the plan, it is realistic. There is risk, but the reward is very gratifying. When you look at all the small actions, you do not go into fantasies of unrealistic proportions. It feels solid. It feels doable. There is some excitement at the scope of it, and some trepidation at the new enterprise, but it doesn’t lead to “head in the clouds” inaction.

4.) You are ready, willing and able to start taking action immediately–and you do.

5.) It is in alignment with you, your values, your personality, your preferences, your strengths. It does not include or require your doing things you will never do, hate doing, would rather die than do. It plays to your strengths, not your weaknesses.

For instance, if your plan is based on “cold calling” but you would hate every minute of doing so, it’s the wrong plan–and may be a scheme (because it is unrealistic).

Now that you have in depth information about the difference between a scheme and a plan, look at the options life presents you from this viewpoint. Make your choices so that you will have real and lasting success. Don’t waste time and money on “Get Rick Quick” schemes that only enrich the seller. Realize that the odds of making money are something like 1 success in a 100 people attempting. Assuredly, every single person who now enjoys “massive passive income” will tell you that it took them years and years and very hard work to get there. Don’t be taken!

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.

Redefining Winning And Losing

Your concept of what constitutes winning and losing can be defined by you or by others. Most of us allow others to dictate how we see winning and losing for ourselves. This is a fundamental mistake. How can it make sense to live our lives according to the opinions of others? If your parents/family have certain expectations for you, your life, and your work–they are defining winning and losing for you.

It quickly becomes clear that you are expected to conform to these expectations and that you are seen as a winner or loser according to how well you do so. If you find yourself experiencing some discomfort at fulfilling the desires and living a life dictated by the wishes of others, here are a few ideas.

1.) Be willing to get clear on your values and goals. Most of us are reared to embrace the values and goals of our parents and family members. We don’t give a lot of thought to how we truly believe and think and aspire. We simply parrot what we’ve been taught. We have never thought deeply about our own beliefs and most of us would not dare to hold conflicting beliefs. Without examining these for yourself, the possibility of a deeply gratifying and authentic life becomes impossible. Instead, you simply “go along” with your life as someone else has laid it out for you.

2.) If, upon examination, you discover the desire to live a life counter to what’s been expected, it will take some will and fortitude to forge the new path. When we find ourselves deciding to create a life of our own choosing, there is likely to be resistance from others. Typically, those with expectations for us are unlikely to abandon them willingly. Those who desire to run our lives will inevitably find our choices disappointing.

It’s the nature of those who desire to manipulate to their own ends–they want to have their way–even with your life. This is a tough dynamic to encounter.

3.) The more that you can gain and maintain clarity on your own desires, the better. Take the time to write out your desires and write a plan to achieve them. You may be put in a place where you receive no family support for your desires. Clarity is critical in this situation.

4.) Get the support you need. Hire a coach, get a mentor, join a mastermind, or take classes at an entrepreneur center. Find and create the support system you need to fulfill your goals.

5.) Once you’re clear on what you want for your life, examine your concepts of winning and losing. Now that your focus is on the life you want, what does winning look like to you–through your own eyes. Previously, winning was defined by the opinions of others. It can be a challenge to release the hold these opinions have on us. It’s a huge shift to define winning and losing from our own viewpoint–and our own desires. Perhaps previously, winning meant attaining certain achievements, owning certain possessions, and belonging to certain groups. From your own desires, this is likely to involve entirely different criteria.

It could be that you value doing more creative work, making significant contributions, or having meaningful relationships. Your definitions of winning can be severely at odds with what is expected of you. “Losing”, in the past, meant not meeting the expectations of others. From your point of view, losing could be defined as the failure to fulfill your desires for your life. Again, your definition of losing is quite different from what your family holds.

6.) It can be very challenging to “swim against the tide” of your family’s wishes for you. There may be conflict, disappointment, anger, frustration, and hostility. There may even be major rejection and worse. This is difficult, but when you realize what it means–those who “love” you want to control you–your best positioning is to hold your ground. Are you willing to surrender control of your life to others?

7.) In the best of situations, when your family realizes your convictions, they will be able to recognize and support your goals. This may be a long while in coming and in the worst cases, never happens at all. It’s wise to create a supportive environment–of those who understand and value your goals and intentions. Your family may eventually value your path–or not.

Take the time to examine and explore your values and goals. Redefine winning and losing to align with the life you really want.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

Some Thoughts on Quitting–During Financial "Meltdowns"

requently clients have a tendency to quit taking actions that create forward motion–when they get scared. One of the biggest fear factors is actual or feared financial meltdowns. It’s easy to buy into the terrifying noise coming from the TV in the corner. You could wake up on a beautiful day, feeling happy and relaxed and listen to news stories of doom and financial collapse–and quickly become paralyzed with fear.

Even when those news stories have no direct impact on you, it’s hard not to imagine, think about, and fear being affected by negative affects on the general economy. Your positive and cheerful mindset is completely overwhelmed by fear of potential financial devastation. One of the worst missteps is the decision to quit–quit taking the necessary steps to further the progress of your life.

If feeling like quitting is your current positioning, here are some ideas to think about.

1.) Being tempted to quit is a normal reaction to overwhelming financial fear. It is simply human to ask ourselves if giving up is the right action. You’ll be better off if you realize that the temptation is a normal human response–and decide not to give in to it. Giving in at this point is a sure prescription to go into a depressive downward spiral. Quitting taking action is not an answer, and certainly is not an effective answer.

2.) Realize that continuing to take action is the absolutely smartest thing you can do. Action is always the best preventative for depression. If you’ve completed a day of effective action, you will not go into depression. Inactivity is a mistake.

3.) Examine the financial conditions and assess whether or not there is anything you can do to change the circumstances. Most of the time, problems in the economy are totally out of our control. This is the greatest cause of our fear–we are at the effect of conditions created by others. You may want to consider that the fact that it is out of your control can be used to release at least some of the fear connected with it. In the same way that your fear about a train wreck will not impact that wreck…at least release yourself as much as possible from the paralyzing fear.

4.) Are there things that you need to do financially? Are there changes you need to make to your accounts and investments? Do you need to learn, research, analyze? Do you need advice? Focus at least some of your actions and energy on doing the financial things you need to do and can do to make a difference in your life.

5.) Be leery of being sucked into any generalized negative energy pattern of those about you. This is a huge challenge. “Buying into” that negativity will incapacitate you and keep you frozen in inactivity. Observe this energy, but choose not to absorb it. Look at this from a detached higher viewpoint. When you think back over your life and realize all the crises you’ve already survived, it will give you some perspective. This too shall pass.

6.) This is a great time to re-evaluate your strategy. Create a block of time to focus on and examine all your strategies and assess whether or not they need to be changed, tweaked or dropped altogether. Don’t get into a downward spiral of hopelessness. Just take a deep, introspective look at your all encompassing action plans. Some actions will be immediately apparently no longer useful. Some new ideas will arise and seem critical. Some tweaks and outright alterations will be obvious. Do this fearlessly. Be willing to let go of outdated or irrelevant strategies–even if you have great attachment to them.

If you find yourself sinking into the morass of financial fear, take the time to explore other possibilities. We don’t have to take ourselves out of the game because of financial fear. Keeping on moving forward, taking action–choosing not to quit–is a decision that ultimately will deliver us the results we want.

Yes, it can be quite challenging to keep in action–and not go into “freeze” mode–when it appears financial ruin threatens. Maintaining control over our reactions and actions is the key.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

Dark Night of the Soul

What does the phrase, “Dark Night of the Soul” mean? It refers to those sleepless nights when we find ourselves troubled and torn and without answers, crying in the night. Another phrase that correlates closely is, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” If you’ve ever observed this phenomenon, it does actually get darkest just before dawn…and then the sun starts to show itself.

It is some comfort then to realize this and remind yourself when you are in the darkest part of the dark night of the soul. Seeing it as simply another cycle can be slightly soothing in the darkest night. It probably won’t help the helpless feelings, but can slightly calm the mind.

When you find yourself having a “dark night”, what are some things that can help you move through it?

1.) Don’t fight it. Once it’s obvious you’re going to be sleepless, give in to that. One possibility is to turn on the light and read. Escapist, writing comes in handy at times like this since it can distract us temporarily. Usually by taking our minds off problems, we can regain a sleepiness and go back to sleep.

2.) There will be times when things are so upsetting that even reading does not work…indeed, not only does it not work, insofar as getting us sleepy, but it’s even impossible to read. In these kinds of situations, it may be best to actually give in and get out of bed and do something else. If this is your course of action, there are a couple of possibilities as to what to do when you’re up in the middle of the night. Let’s assume that you’re too restless to watch TV and there’s nothing on in the middle of the night anyway.

a. Working on strategies or action plans to solve the problem is a great solution. Yeah, if it was that easy, you’d solve the problem during the daylight. Sometimes, though sleeplessness can be a great source of ideas and brainstorming that is not accessible to us in regular waking hours. One caution, though, be sure and write all your ideas down clearly and completely. It’s usually a one shot deal and if you don’t get the details down on paper, you can’t replicate it later.

b. The second mid-night activity that can shift you energetically is to get up and clean, clear and organize something. Especially target something that really bugs you in the day time. If there are various possibilities (and there frequently are) consider doing the one that bugs you the most that you have the best chance of completing in the hours you have available.

The main consideration is not to get something all torn up and leave a giant mess. Choosing something that can definitely get completed is the key.

Once the new day has begun, a lot of energy comes from having made something better, and that alone can make the new day a bit brighter. We all experience the “dark night of the soul” in life. When it is something that keeps us sleepless, we can best calm our self by using that sleepless time to take small steps to improving our life.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

Just Keep Moving

Do you feel burdened by so many problems that you are tempted to just give up? Does it seem that no matter what you do, you can’t get some positive momentum going? Do you think that no matter what you do, nothing works? Do you wonder how to get your life turned around and going in the direction you want? Does it feel like you live in a pressure cooker and you can’t get any relief from the stress? Are you sliding into depression and hopelessness?

There are times in life when the only answer is to just keep moving. What does this mean?

1.) It means that continuing to take action is the only answer. Make the decision that you aren’t going to give up on your life–without a fight. During these kinds of times, this is the hardest choice of all…and the hardest one to continue to maintain decisiveness about. It is the key choice though that will do the most for turning your situation around.

2.) Get out a pen and paper and do some brainstorming about actions you could take. Write everything down…even the “crazy ideas”. This is simply brainstorming–just writing it down is not yet a commitment.

3.) If you have some trusted friends who would be willing to brainstorm with you, that’s even better…because you’d get some great ideas you might not think of alone. During this process, don’t screen anything out.

4.) Now, take some time alone with your big fat juicy list and start to organize it for usefulness. You might have three columns, titled something like, “Definitely Do”, “Pursue Maybe”, and “Probably Not–Now”. Categorize all the items on the list. List all the items in priority with the most important on top. When you’re finished with this, you have a list with the most valuable, definite choices at the top of the left column, and the unrealistic definite no’s at the bottom of the right column.

5.) Now, take everything in the, “Definitely Do” column and assign a date when you intend to take action on it. Now you have an action plan.

6.) Keep your action plan handy and use it to keep you focused on the actions you need to be taking.

7.) Add to the action plan as you go. Make it a living document.

8.) Whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to fall into depression. If you do, you are lost. Yes, it is human to get low sometimes. The key though is to keep moving. If we become self indulgent about depression and “feeling sorry for ourselves”, we will get stuck there…and solving our problems becomes impossible. You’re probably thinking that it’s not so easy to keep from being depressed. Experiment with continuing to take action no matter what you feel like. Just taking action itself will lessen depression or keep it at bay.

9.) Exercise is the best preventative for depression that there is. If you exercise on a regular basis–5-6 days a week–and you just make yourself exercise no matter how low you feel–the depression will lift and you will start to feel better.

The hardest thing to do and the best solution for overwhelming problems is to just keep moving and taking action to solve our problems.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

Being Overwhelmed

Frequently, you hear people say they feel “overwhelmed”. What does it mean to feel overwhelmed, and what are some ways to deal with it and get out from under this feeling?

When people say they feel overwhelmed, it seems to mean that they have too many demands on their time and everything seems equally important. Sometimes, it means that every direction they look, they see “issues” or “crises” that need to be handled and nowhere nearly enough time to deal with them all. Often the feeling of overwhelm also comes from living amidst disorder and clutter–on top of too many things to do.

The common factors in feeling overwhelmed seem to be too much to do, not enough time to do it all, and no way to prioritize them. Here are some ideas on how to take control in situations of overwhelm.

1.) Take out paper and pen and make a complete list of all the activities that need to be taken care of. Yes, this can temporarily make you feel even more overwhelmed, but it’s a must to get going.

2.) Put “#1″ beside any activity that has a deadline or a consequence. Jot the deadline to the side of the activity. These dates will then be handled in sequence.

3.) If clutter/disorder adds to the problem, make a separate list of those areas of disorder that most impede your progress on the overwhelm list. Most likely, you will need to tackle these areas one small bit at a time so that you can handle the overwhelm list. Clutter is another whole topic and won’t be handled here, but here’s a “shorthand” method to use.

a. Do an hour a day.

b. Tackle the most important areas first.

c. Create a “home” for everything and make a point of putting things where they belong.

d. Once you’ve gotten a small area clean, keep it clean at all costs.

e. Be brutal at getting rid of junk.

4.) Take a look at your psychological factors and see if there is any way that “overwhelm” has a payoff. Do you use it to avoid something? Is it an excuse not to take any action? Does it mask the fact that you are afraid? If so, what are you afraid of?

5.) Now, take your overwhelm list and put it in order of priority. The top items should be those items that have deadlines and consequences. Put them in order of the deadlines. After that, the criteria for ranking the items can be based on things like, “Most important things to get done.”, or “Would increase my income the soonest.”, “Would give me the greatest feeling of freedom if I handled it.”, or “Bugs me the most.”, or “Gets in my way the most.”

6.) If clutter areas have to be handled before you can take care of an issue, put cleaning up that area in the list in the sequence where it is needed.

7.) Start to take immediate action on your list, starting at the top. Don’t worry or think about other items on the list until it is time to deal with them. Of course, use good sense here; don’t use the list as an excuse to procrastinate on critical items. Taking care of any items on the list starts to give an immediate feeling of relief.

8.) Devote as much free time to this as you have available. Temporarily give up TV/video games/reading, etc. (anything you “kill time with”). Just decide that for as long as it takes, you’re going to take charge and move yourself out of overwhelm.

9.) Do whatever you need to do to refrain from volunteering or otherwise committing time to outside causes while you are dealing with these issues.

We all feel overwhelmed at times in life. It’s not a pleasant feeling. The best way to deal with it is to tackle it in an organized, logical manner. You can get some relief fairly quickly with this approach, and get on top of overwhelming circumstances in your life.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

Allowing Our Own Victimization

Do you frequently end up feeling victimized in life? Do you feel that other people have tricked you and suffer great pain over the experience? Do you wonder how you could have been so fooled? Do you have repeated patterns of victimization and suffer quite frequently from the results? What is going on and how can you stop this pattern forever?

Victimization patterns are set up during the dependency of childhood. As children, by the nature of childhood, we were vulnerable to being victimized. It is important to recognize how the patterns originated and to decide to consciously end the pattern.

Now, as an adult, there are times and ways that we subconsciously continue the pattern and collude in our own victimization. This could be as subtle as expecting to be victimized so we carry our self as a victim. It could be by associating with victimizers while gaily insisting that they would not treat us that way. It could be by “over giving” which signals that we can be taken advantage of. It could mean ignoring and/or denying our truth when we get clear signals not to go forward with something or someone.

Here are some ideas to put in place that can help you eliminate a pattern of feeling victimized.

1.) Make the decision that you will learn to trust and honor your “hunches” and intuition. Have you ever said, “I knew better” after a disappointing experience? This is proof that some part of you knew your action would be a mistake. What we humans do is simply “run over” our knowingness–then later cry about being victimized. What needs to happen is to learn to trust this voice and honor it–it is always right.

2.) Along with honoring our knowing comes the responsibility to learn how to set and keep healthy boundaries. If you’re going to trust your inner guidance, there will be times when you will have to say, “No” to others, stand up for yourself, speak up, and perhaps even defend your position.

If you’ve been victimized as a child, there’s a strong possibility that you will have a lot of remedial work to do to learn to set boundaries. Since you weren’t allowed to set healthy boundaries, you probably do not even believe you have the right to do so.

3.) Be aware that it’s easy at this point to victimize ourselves with anger and rage over what was done to us as a child. This is not the path to ultimate healing though and can sidetrack us. Once we’re adult, the “mess” is ours to clean up to ensure a great life for ourselves. The sooner you can move past the anger, the sooner you can do what it takes to give yourself the happy life you deserve. It’s too easy to get stuck in anger and live your life (unhappily) from there.

4.) It is critical to pay attention to who you associate with and not to allow predators access to you, and (hopefully) to your circle. This does not mean that you should choose to become paranoid and fearful of everyone you meet, wondering if they will harm you. It means instead, to keep your eyes and ears open, develop healthy skepticism and pay attention to what you see and hear.

If a new acquaintance talks about ripping off the IRS and manipulating others to pay their way, would it be smart to allow this person access to you? If you observe an acquaintance being reckless, ruthless, disrespectful to others, do you truly believe you would be treated any differently? These observations provide us the opportunity to consciously choose not to collude in our own potential future victimization.

5.) If you were victimized as a child, you may have a tendency to “over give”. Psychologically, this might be a result of low self esteem (which we were taught to have). We unconsciously believe that we have to overcompensate for existing. Better not to judge this as good or bad. It just is, and needs to be healed. Over giving is actually an invitation to predators to “over take” from us. We don’t do it deliberately. We simply do not understand the dynamics of what we’re doing–and how it produces the results it does.

6.) Fighting, railing against, and protesting the injustice of being victimized will not prevent the repetition of the pattern. It’s likely that the victimizers don’t even believe that they have done anything wrong. Living your life in angry reaction only perpetuates the pattern and extends its reach.

All of this can seen unfair, but it is highly likely that, as you heal these issues, you will discover down the road that the knowledge you gain will become a gift to you and that it will be part of your contribution to the world.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

Crisis Times: How to Handle Them

You’re in the midst of a financial crisis–your company is imploding and you don’t know where this will lead you. Suddenly, your life is up in the air. The financial situation (according to the news) worsens every single day. You don’t know if you will become unemployed suddenly. You wonder what the heck is going to happen to your situation. Will you suddenly become unable to pay your bills and become another financial statistic?

What are the strategies that make the most sense?

1.) Do what it takes to create several different potential options for yourself. One option might be to stick with the job you have and do what it takes to secure your position. This would make sense if you love your job and the company you work for. Another option would be to take a serious look at what your next career move might be, given your skills, experience and desires.

Just brainstorm all the potential options and put each option as a heading on a separate page.

2.) Using these pages, go into complete detail on all the tactics and action steps that would be required to exercise any of these options. Brainstorm and jot down every idea you can think of under each option (heading). For this exercise, be OK with fantastic possibilities, as well as logical ones. This is an exercise in generating the most ideas. Just because you write it does not mean you have to do it. You’re still at the brainstorming level.

3.) Whatever you do, don’t “buy into” the generalized panic all about you. As much as you can, stay out of that energy. Gossip and rumors run rampant during such times, but they do not lead to solid and logical strategies and decisions.

4.) Do everything you can to keep yourself calm. If you practice meditation, increase your meditations. Choose to listen to positive and motivational materials. Be cautious in allowing any input that increases your fear and panic. Choose to be around positive people.

5.) Take a break from your various options and come back to them with fresh eyes. Add anything that needs to be added. See if you can number the options starting with a #1 for the option most likely to be pursued and to bring results. Put the options (pages) in sequence. At the bottom of the pile, you will end up with the options least likely to be pursued (and least likely to bring desired results).

6.) Look over all the top options and see if there are any action steps that make sense, no matter what direction you finally end up taking. This could be something like revising your resume, spiffing up your wardrobe, doing some networking. These are to be thought of as “fail safe” actions that would serve you no matter what happens.

7.) Start to take action immediately. Do not wait. Do not procrastinate. It can be critical to your success and to your positioning that you stay on top of timing. You don’t want to be unprepared because you went into panic instead of into action.

Times of crisis are a natural part of life. The most important aspect of crisis is not to be swept off balance and inundated by our own emotions or the panic of others. Staying calm, strategic, and purposeful will position you for the least damage and best potential future.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

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