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Allowing Our Own Victimization

Do you frequently end up feeling victimized in life? Do you feel that other people have tricked you and suffer great pain over the experience? Do you wonder how you could have been so fooled? Do you have repeated patterns of victimization and suffer quite frequently from the results? What is going on and how can you stop this pattern forever?

Victimization patterns are set up during the dependency of childhood. As children, by the nature of childhood, we were vulnerable to being victimized. It is important to recognize how the patterns originated and to decide to consciously end the pattern.

Now, as an adult, there are times and ways that we subconsciously continue the pattern and collude in our own victimization. This could be as subtle as expecting to be victimized so we carry our self as a victim. It could be by associating with victimizers while gaily insisting that they would not treat us that way. It could be by “over giving” which signals that we can be taken advantage of. It could mean ignoring and/or denying our truth when we get clear signals not to go forward with something or someone.

Here are some ideas to put in place that can help you eliminate a pattern of feeling victimized.

1.) Make the decision that you will learn to trust and honor your “hunches” and intuition. Have you ever said, “I knew better” after a disappointing experience? This is proof that some part of you knew your action would be a mistake. What we humans do is simply “run over” our knowingness–then later cry about being victimized. What needs to happen is to learn to trust this voice and honor it–it is always right.

2.) Along with honoring our knowing comes the responsibility to learn how to set and keep healthy boundaries. If you’re going to trust your inner guidance, there will be times when you will have to say, “No” to others, stand up for yourself, speak up, and perhaps even defend your position.

If you’ve been victimized as a child, there’s a strong possibility that you will have a lot of remedial work to do to learn to set boundaries. Since you weren’t allowed to set healthy boundaries, you probably do not even believe you have the right to do so.

3.) Be aware that it’s easy at this point to victimize ourselves with anger and rage over what was done to us as a child. This is not the path to ultimate healing though and can sidetrack us. Once we’re adult, the “mess” is ours to clean up to ensure a great life for ourselves. The sooner you can move past the anger, the sooner you can do what it takes to give yourself the happy life you deserve. It’s too easy to get stuck in anger and live your life (unhappily) from there.

4.) It is critical to pay attention to who you associate with and not to allow predators access to you, and (hopefully) to your circle. This does not mean that you should choose to become paranoid and fearful of everyone you meet, wondering if they will harm you. It means instead, to keep your eyes and ears open, develop healthy skepticism and pay attention to what you see and hear.

If a new acquaintance talks about ripping off the IRS and manipulating others to pay their way, would it be smart to allow this person access to you? If you observe an acquaintance being reckless, ruthless, disrespectful to others, do you truly believe you would be treated any differently? These observations provide us the opportunity to consciously choose not to collude in our own potential future victimization.

5.) If you were victimized as a child, you may have a tendency to “over give”. Psychologically, this might be a result of low self esteem (which we were taught to have). We unconsciously believe that we have to overcompensate for existing. Better not to judge this as good or bad. It just is, and needs to be healed. Over giving is actually an invitation to predators to “over take” from us. We don’t do it deliberately. We simply do not understand the dynamics of what we’re doing–and how it produces the results it does.

6.) Fighting, railing against, and protesting the injustice of being victimized will not prevent the repetition of the pattern. It’s likely that the victimizers don’t even believe that they have done anything wrong. Living your life in angry reaction only perpetuates the pattern and extends its reach.

All of this can seen unfair, but it is highly likely that, as you heal these issues, you will discover down the road that the knowledge you gain will become a gift to you and that it will be part of your contribution to the world.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com

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