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It’s a Feelings Disease - Emotions and Addictions

Boy has 18 months clean and sober. Boy is going to twelve step meetings, praying and meditating each day, talking to his sponsor regularly, doing service like chairing meetings, speaking at detox, sponsoring others. Boy is staying clean one day at a time. Uh Oh – boy meets girl. Boy and girl go together for a few months. Girl breaks up with boy. Boy is devastated. Boy relapses and loses everything.

Believe it or not this scenario is very realistic indeed. How do I know? It happened to me! They say that the disease of addiction is a feelings disease not because we can’t learn to handle life on life’s terms but because I believe us addicts and alcoholics feel very intensely. This does not mean we cannot live normal lives and must shelter ourselves from heartache, but rather we must stay spiritually fit in order to prepare ourselves for those emotional upheavals that inevitably come our way as we trudge through our destinies. When I relapsed with 18 months under my belt I had let up on some of the spiritual exercise that kept me fit.

Sure I was praying and meditating each day, but I stopped meaning the words. I was in a rush when I said my prayers. I didn’t listen for the answers to my prayers when I meditated. The love relationship shifted my focus from being God centered to being self centered. I was more concerned with looking good and feeling good than I was with helping other addicts and alcoholics recover which is one of the most important things an addict or alcoholic can do to help themselves stay clean and sober. “When all else fails, help another addict or alcoholic,” the program professes.

Don’t get me wrong! There is nothing wrong with feelings, and to boot I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as bad feelings and good feelings. Feelings are our mind’s teachers. When we feel angry we are being taught that there is an issue that must be dealt with. If we push it away or use because of it we are simply adding more work to be done later. If we feel sad we should know that an event has affected our soul and we are going through the natural grieving stage in order to move on to a better place. Yes, we must allow ourselves to feel our feelings but we cannot be ruled by them.

When we start letting our feelings dictate our actions we start getting into trouble sometimes. How then do we deal with our more difficult feelings in recovery and take preventative measure to minimize them. For some medication is required, anger management classes, breathing exercises, meditation and prayer, and counseling are all fine techniques for dealing with tough emotions.

But I believe the best medicine for those in recovery is to simply stay spiritually fit by going to meetings regularly and sharing honestly from the heart, practicing the spiritual principles of the program like honesty, courage, willingness, open-mindedness (to name a few), staying in touch with other addicts and alcoholics who have been through what you have been through, and carrying the message of recovery to others. In these ways one can get through the ups and downs of the roller coaster road we sometimes call life.

Zach Samuels is the author of Confessions of a Crack Head which can be found at Confessions of a Crack Head. The site offers resources for addicts and their families, a blog, a forum, contact information, and more.

Is There a Simple Solution to the Problem of Why God Allows Evil to Occur?

One of the most difficult questions for priests, ministers, and theologians to answer is – Why does a kind, compassionate, personal God that answers prayers and looks out for our personal welfare, allow so much evil to occur in the world? This is often called “the problem of evil.” As far back as the fourth century BCE, philosophers such as Epicurus have addressed this question. Epicurus pointed out that it was hard to get God off the hook. He wrote, “Either God wants to abolish evil and cannot; or he can, but does not want to. If he wants to, but cannot he is impotent. If he can but does not want to, he is wicked.”

One of the oldest methods to answer this dilemma was proposed several thousand years ago by the Gnostics, a group of quasi-Christian mystics. To them there was no problem because they viewed God as so inherently evil that he would have no interest in preventing evil. They called this demonic God the Demiurge, taken from a term Plato used to denote the creator of the base world. The Demiurge was the God that interacted with man. The real God or “true Father” represented the less flawed world and could not be held responsible for the actions of the Demiurge.

The deists propose a solution that still leaves God blameless but is less harsh. They propose that God did indeed create the early universe but when this job was completed he was no longer involved. This approach has the advantage that it allows those who believe in this type of God to also believe in Darwinian evolution as the mechanism by which all life including man himself was created. This is far more satisfactory to the rational brain than the proposals of the young earth creationists who believe the Bible is literally true and that the world is less than 6,000 years old, and that Darwinism is baloney.

The deist solution is also not very satisfactory to the majority of people in the world who believe in a personal God that guided the evolution of man and watches over us on a minute-to-minute basis. These are called theists and they have proposed a number of solutions to the “problem of evil.”

The most popular is that God endowed man with free will. This relieved God from the onerous duty of being responsible for all the minute detailed decisions that billions of humans make everyday. God could not be responsible if it was a person’s individual decision to do evil things. This, however, did not explain the evil done by nature in the form of hurricanes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters. Some have suggested that nature also has its own free will.

Another creative answer to the problem of evil is the yin and yang solution. This says we cannot have good in the world if the opposite, evil, is not around to compare it to. We cannot have hot without cold, love without hate, or good without evil. Another explanation is that evil is part of God’s mysterious plan. This is especially evoked when a child dies or is killed. Somehow the pain is supposed to be lessened if this event is all part of God’s mysterious plan. A further solution, popular with several fundamentalist religions is that “people get what they deserve.” This was especially popular during the 2004 tsunami that killed hundreds of thousands of people in the orient. Some ministers proclaimed that was God’s pay back for abortions, liberal sex, homosexuality, failure to pray to God in public school, and many other supposed transgressions against God’s laws. The problem is, none of these answers is truly satisfying if your child is killed, your spouse dies at a young age, or thousands or even millions of people are killed in natural disasters, purges, genocides, wars, epidemics or other horrors humans have been subjected to.

There is however, one simple solution to the problem of evil, one simple answer, one explanation that does not require any circuitous stretches of logic. That is a simple reversal of the assumption made by most people that God created man – to man created God. This proposes that man created the theory of a personal God who created the world, who answers prayers, and who attends to our minute-by-minute needs. In pre-modern times this theory was the best possible solution for the unknown questions – Where did we come from? Where are we going? When I die am I gone forever? Is there life after death? In modern times with remarkable advances in biology, physics, and the neurosciences, these questions now have answers that do not require the ancient theory that we have a personal God. This takes God out of the issue entirely. The most simple and satisfactory answer to the “problem of evil” is to realize that man created God.

David E. Comings, M.D., author of Did Man Create God? is a world renown physician, human geneticist, and neuroscientist, past president of the American Society of Human Genetics and head of the Department of Medical Genetics at the City of Hope National Medical Center for 37 years. See Did Man Create God.

Make Memories That Matter

When it slammed into Anguilla, Hurricane Luis was a strong category four storm with sustained winds of 150 mph and gusts up to 200 mph. None of us knew what to expect and everyone on the island was terrified. We’d all seen reports on television of hurricanes completely destroying communities, but it had been thirty years since a bad storm hit Anguilla and people had become complacent. Now, we were scared. As the winds picked up, everyone braced themselves for the worst. Houses were boarded with plywood as were all of the hotels, restaurants and office buildings. The hurricane crashed into Anguilla and stayed for thirty six long hours. And when it was over, Luis had destroyed our little restaurant, leaving behind only scraps of wood and splinters from our tall, teal shutters.

Why is it, you might wonder, that we look back at Hurricane Luis with loving thoughts? Well, thankfully, there was no loss of life or serious injury on Anguilla so the damage was limited to things. Buildings, lamp posts, boats, signs, plants, and cars were completely destroyed. But it’s what happened after the storm that stays in our memory. We will never forget how the Blanchard’s Restaurant staff showed up with hammers and saws in hand ready to rebuild. Their love and enthusiasm for the life we had created together warmed our hearts; it was a priceless gift. We had worked hard to build a family of people who sincerely cared about each other and the realization that we had succeeded was just about as wonderful as anything we can imagine.

Think about the memories you’re creating every day. We all pay attention to major events like weddings, births and graduations and have photo albums filled with those memories. But what about the days in between? How do they stack up against those few special days? Maintaining your dream and living what you love has a great deal to do with the memories you create throughout your life. When you’re deciding to make a change and to bring the spirit of LWYL into your heart, consider what memories you’ve created in the past and what kind of memories you want to create from now on.

Our photo albums are filled with family snapshots spanning five decades. We have photos of each of us before we were married, and then piles of albums documenting a million great times with Jesse and his wonderful wife, Maggie. And because so many of our cherished memories are tied to our work, we have photo albums at the restaurant as well. They’re stuffed with memories of the trips we’ve taken together with our staff as well as photos of everyday life at the restaurant: Miguel carefully arranging flowers on a table, Lowell and Rinso concocting a new drink at the bar, Tarah greeting guests with her warm, welcoming smile, and Clinton and Hughes grilling lobsters and tossing salads in the kitchen. The memories of our adventures - both personal and business - are our greatest treasures. Some brought tears and others made us jump up and down with joy and excitement. The tearful moments taught us some painful lessons and the joyful occasions have given our life meaning and purpose. But each one of those adventures makes up our life and our history, and we love them all.

If the world were going to end tomorrow, what would you look back on? Would it be the weddings, birthdays and anniversaries? Or would you have countless other experiences that you deliberately chose and dearly value? Maintaining your dream will fill your photo albums with memories from every day of your life. Do something you’re passionate about and you’ll want to remember it all. Surround yourself with people you care about, and you won’t want to forget any of your times together. Create memories that you love. Follow one dream and then another. Live what you love. And even if you don’t have a camera to take pictures along the way, you’ll have a heart filled with memories.

Remember

Do

Create meaningful memories

Celebrate your dreams

Turn setbacks into opportunities to remember

Don’t

Underestimate the importance of the tiny moments that make up each day

Forget that energy and enthusiasm help to create positive memories

Take your life story lightly

Bob and Melinda Blanchard are motivational, life change experts who teach people how to successfully navigate life transitions such as graduation, divorce, career change, starting a business or simply pursuing your dreams. To learn more about their books and how to live what you love, visit Live What You Love.

Five Tips For Successful Online Dating

In today’s world, you can find everything online: you can order your groceries, a pair of shoes and a job all from the World Wide Web. So it would make perfect sense that you can also find a mate in the very same fashion!

Some are a little skittish about online dating though it has become so popular that people of all ages and walks of life are now doing online dating. It is not “just” for the young or for people who love computers. Often as we get older, our social circles close in on us: online dating is an excellent way to widen it out a bit and meet some people with similar interests and preferences.

Just be yourself. Mom was totally right when she said this and we’ll tell you why: when you put on an act to be someone else the person you are with forms an entirely different picture about who you are. This means that if they are attracted to you, then they are actually attracted to someone else. You want them to like you for you! So show your date exactly who you are: chances are they’ll like what they see.

Put your best foot forward. There is a difference between showing someone who you are and scratching where it itches in public! Take this opportunity to show your date your sunny side and your best features. If you have a great sense of humor have a couple of jokes planned. If you are known for something else your strong listening skills or charm: then share this with your date.

They have sweaty palms too! We’ll let you in on a little secret: everyone is nervous on a date. This is true whether or not you see them acting nervous or not. Some people just hide this better. So have some compassion if your date is laughing a little too hard or fidgeting in their seat. They’re just having a case of first date jitters like you are too. There is a benefit to remembering this tip you tend to calm down a bit yourself.

Everyone has baggage: leave yours outside for now. We all have something that we pull around with us. It may be a divorce, credit card debt or a college degree we are still completing. Everyone has something they consider their “baggage.” Sometimes it is a big deal and other times it really isn’t. Most of the time what matters is how much of a positive attitude you have about the situation and how much effort you are using to change or act in the circumstance.

You usually can’t change the fact that you have been divorced (unless you re-marry the person) though you can refrain from making negative comments about them or telling endless stories about why your marriage was a failure.

Be clear about what you are looking for. The “dating game” can be a real challenge. Part of this is because it truly isn’t an even playing field. You may be looking for a serious relationship and others are just looking for companionship or a little fun. Be clear and upfront about what you want from the start without getting into what hair color you hope your kids are going to have.

Use a light touch when telling someone what you are looking for and put yourself in their shoes. If you are not looking for a serious relationship, then you’d probably want to know this ahead of time also. Remember that although someone may say one thing they also can change their mind as a relationship progresses.

If you are looking for a long term partner in India visit our India Dating website today.

18 Ways to Stay Clean and Sober

In Judaism, 18 is a holy number. It stands for the Hebrew word “chai” which means life. Here is a list of 18 ways you can stay clean and sober so that you can have a life.

1. Get phone numbers of recovering addicts working a program and use them. It’s really important to talk to other addicts and alcoholics outside of meetings because it keeps you accountable and creates a network of people you can learn to depend on to be there for you when you need them most. Sometimes it’s a matter of life of death!

2. Go to 12 step meetings regularly. The only way to learn about the program is by going to meetings regularly. They suggest 90 meetings in 90 days but many people in early recovery will go to 2 or 3 meetings a day. It keeps you busy, connected with others, teaches you about the steps and the program, and gives you a chance to share how you’re feeling with others who really care.

3. Get a sponsor and talk to him/her on a daily basis. Your sponsor will guide you through the steps, be there for you when you need to talk, and in most cases become a really good friend.

4. Pray. Prayer works. What else can I say!

5. Meditate. Meditation helps ease the craziness of daily life and it’s where we go to hear the answers to our prayers.

6. Read recovery related literature. An addiction library is an excellent place to find loads of information on any topic which is of interest to you concerning your particular addiction and will educate and arm you with tons of defenses against taking that first one.

7. Ask God to help you stay clean in the morning. I have a friend with many years of clean time who says he has never heard of anyone who has sincerely asked for help to stay clean in the morning pick up that day. Go figure!

8. Thank God for helping you stay clean when you go to bed at night.

9. Work the twelve steps. The key to a new and healthy life and guidelines for healthy living.

10. Eat chocolate or other sweets when the cravings hit.

11. Call another recovering addict before you pick up that next drug or drink.

12. Do something for someone else to make them feel good. There’s nothing that makes one feel better than putting a smile on someone else’s face. Try it, it works.

13. Make a gratitude list. Replace fear with faith by using this tool.

14. Eat healthy foods like a juice boost drink.

15. Keep busy with fun and productive activities.

16. Find a hobby.

17. Stay out of a relationship for at least one year. Love relationships end sometimes which can be devastating in early recovery when we are starting to feel our feelings for the first time in a long time. We don’t need to take the chance of overwhelming ourselves with that before we are strong enough to handle it. This is in the top 5 reasons for people relapsing in the first year.

18. Make recovery your number one priority remembering that anything you put before it you will lose

Zach Samuels is the author of Confessions of a Crack Head which can be found at Confessions of a Crack Head. The site offers resources for addicts and their families, a blog, a forum, contact information, and more.

Betting With the Law of Attraction

Is it possible to successfully place a bet and win it using the Law of Attraction? I’ve proved it possible.

Within each and every one of us is something called an Emotional Guidance System. You may know it with a different name (gut instincts for example), but simply put the emotions that you feel, are always a perfect match to what you are currently attracting.

If you feel good, you’re attracting good things into your life.

If you feel bad, or neutral, then you’re attracting unwanted things into your life.

Your emotions are always a perfect reflection of what’s coming.

By asking yourself the question “how will I feel about this?”, you will always get a perfectly aligned response from your emotional guidance system.

Your emotions are your best method of making accurate decisions. Your logical mind can only make decisions upon what it already knows. All of your thoughts are created from past experiences and so your logical mind is working within your limited belief system.

If you start removing your attention from the logical mind and stop using your mind to make the decisions, then by relying on your emotions, you will very quickly begin to see that your emotions are always a perfect match to what you’re attracting.

How does all of this fit in with betting on events?

I’m an avid football (soccer) fan and I always enjoy watching my team play on television. I’ve started practicing using my emotions to determine how the game will end up, before the game has even kicked off.

Because I watch my team play, I am emotionally attached to the game. This helps me greatly in my decision making. Before the game begins I will ask myself…

“How do I feel about this game?”

If I get a distinct feeling of “positiveness” then the game will be a success and will win.

If I feel pretty bad about the game then it will either be a draw or a loss.

If I feel nothing and am completely neutral, then I don’t make a decision.

As I was practicing this in a recent match I was watching, I noticed a horrible feeling within me. It felt horrible and was definitely unwanted. So, I knew straight away that my team was going to lose or draw.

In the opening 10 minutes, we scored a goal and were 1-0 up. My logical mind started to kick in… “your emotions are a load of rubbish!” … “they can’t predict the outcome!”.

By half-time it was 1-1. Second half started and the opposing team took the lead and made it 2-1. The end result was a draw, 2-2.

It was an uncomfortable game and didn’t bring me any joy. I knew before the game started that it wouldn’t. I’m not big on betting, but it is entirely possible to bet using your feelings as a judgment call.

When you remove the logical mind and really listen to what you’re feeling, you will always have access to the most accurate answer, since your feelings are an indication of what you’re moving towards. If they feel good, good things are coming. If they feel bad, bad things are coming.

Simple.

Please note: This article has also been submitted to; EzineArticles, GoArticles, ArticleCity, ArticleDashboard, Buzzle & SelfGrowth

Manifesting Reality Isn’t Hard Work After All. Get your free report on manifesting miracles right now by visiting: http://www.ManifestMiracle.com/free/

Etiquette For Wedding Invitation - What to Do When the Bride’s Parents Are Divorced

It all depends on how birth parents and stepparents get along with each other. If everyone involved is friendly with one another than no special arrangements need to made and the bride and groom can plan the wedding however they want. However, this is rarely the case. If there is some problem with birth parents and stepparents, this article will outline some guidelines that can assist the stepmother in following correct wedding etiquette.

Begin by thinking of the wedding invitations for divorced parents. Traditionally, the parents of the bride will host the wedding ceremony and they will be first on the wedding invitation. It is proper etiquette to have the mother and father on separate lines on the invitation if they are both contributing money to the wedding. If stepparents are also contributing money to the wedding, they can be included on the invitation as well.

The next thing to consider is your seating plan. What is the correct etiquette for parents who are divorced? The bride decides this but usually the mother should be seated up front. If the mother and father get along, they can sit on the same row together. If they do not get along, the father can sit on the row behind his former wife. Typically, the stepparents sit in back of birth parents. Of course it is awkward to have ex-spouses sitting on the same row together but the day is not about who is the current wife of the biological father, it is about the bride’s special day.

Family photos can be an etiquette problem as well. The majority of photographers will shoot different photos for birth parents and stepparents. The two sets of parents will not usually be in the same photo but if this does happen, the mother and stepmother should be put on opposite ends of the photograph. It is not strange for the stepparents to not be seen in the official wedding photographs at all. Therefore, do not be personally offended if this occurs because it does fall within correct etiquette for parents who are divorced.

At the wedding reception, etiquette dictates that stepparents take a back seat to divorced parents, that is unless they are co-hosting the reception with the birth parents. If the mother hosts the wedding and the father hosts the reception, it is acceptable if the stepmother takes a place in the receiving line and the mother is not there. However is the birth mother is hosting the reception, it is best that the stepmother not attend. Obviously these petty points on wedding etiquette for divorced parents is only a guideline and can and should be adjusted by the bride’s needs and wants.

Lastly you have the family dance. What does wedding etiquette say about divorced parents and the family dance at the reception? The stepmother is again asked to bow out and allow the bride to enjoy her day with her birth parents. The father of the bride will dance with his daughter and the mother of the groom will dance with her son. If the reception provides for a family dance then the stepparents can dance with their mates.

These wedding etiquette tips will hopefully provide the bride’s divorced parents with assistance in planning and dealing with their daughter’s wedding without hurtful and embarrassing mistakes.

Get free tips and professional advice onwedding shower reception etiquette and learn the best wedding etiquette toasts for your wedding day at http://www.marrycustoms.com, the professional wedding invitation etiquettes

A Reframing Blueprint

If you are like everybody else, chances are by now in your adulthood, your neurological pattern is now thoroughly set and it would take some time to adjust or to alter your pattern of thinking. Your way of thinking is so defined it’s like having an automatic program running in your head that enables by instinct to react in every situations the way you do.

Think for example your reaction when a relationship comes to an end. What do you feel? How do you react? Your pattern of thinking affects your emotions and your reactions – and usually people generalize their bad experiences. So if this friend of yours broke a promise, your automatic response according to your pattern of thinking, would be something like this “I knew it, he/she were really up to no good”. That is, if your mind was programmed to think in a negative way.

You just can’t help yourself from diving into that direction of thinking and generalization. The pattern is so defined, your reactions are automatic and in the long run this pattern will make you more and more miserable. It will deplete you of joy and inspiration and you would expect everything to fail and the cycle goes on and on and on.

Reframing is a way of altering your pattern of thinking; it allows you to be free of your self-imposed conclusions. Reframing allows you to feel differently of the same matter, and allows you to react in a way that defies your well defined beliefs. Reframing gives you a chance to be happier and more positive in life.

Just how do you do reframing? Reframing is nothing so complicated and scientific in its approach – it’s a practical application of years of study made through the many explorers of NLP. It’s a behavioral change for self development. It’s a set of insights and skills that allows you to run your life more successfully and be able to communicate with other people effectively.

To allow you to practice reframing, try listing a few of situations which you find are stressful and disappointing. Like not receiving your salary on time, or when you get stuck in traffic jam or the rain ruined your picnic, or anything. Make three columns, the first being the situation, the second is how you would normally react and the third column, list how you would react after you have reframed the situation.

For example: In your first column you listed being stuck in a traffic jam, and in the second column you listed your reaction of getting irritated and blowing your horns every now and then to make a headway. Now in the third column, try to reframe the situation before you list your reaction on the same situation.

Look for something positive that can happen while you’re stuck in traffic, what can possibly good happen during that time. Well you can enjoy the music playing in your radio, you can enjoy the extra time to be alone and relax before you plunge into your busy schedule and many more. Then write that very reaction on the third column and you’ll see that by just reframing the situation, you have made a big difference in your day.

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Anchoring For Emotional Balance

Most people experience life as a roller-coaster of different emotional states, accepting without question that emotions are something that just happen in response to life events. In any given day, you may experience a range of states, some positive and some that are negative or distressing. The emotional state we are in is so important as it affects how we behave and the results we get. If you are feeling positive and happy, of course the whole world seems better and more interesting and the way you behave will reflect this.

In fact emotional states are not something that happen to us, rather we create them based on how we view the world. We all know a really positive person who takes everything in their stride or a friend who seems to get upset at the slightest concern. In these modern times, it is how we respond to perceived threats that cause us stress and problems.

Imagine being able to control and regulate your emotions so that life is more balanced or being able to access resourceful emotional states when you need them. Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) therapy is a way that you can learn to manage your emotional state and change it at will in order to experience emotional freedom. When clients come to see me for NLP Edinburgh. I am able to teach them the tools of anchoring so that they can bring harmony and emotional balance to their life.

Anchors are naturally occurring associations between an external stimulus and a behavioural or emotional response. They occur because the human mind constantly seeks to make sense of the environment by looking for patterns and associations between things. It is likely that you have had the experience of hearing a certain piece of music that reminds you of a person or event from the past or have smelt perfume or some other smell that reminds you of someone you know. Hopefully, most people see a red traffic light and automatically know to stop! Not all anchors are positive. People learn to make negative associations between things, such as feeling anxious or worried when they are asked to go to their bosses office or when they are required to give a presentation to colleagues.

NLP, Edinburgh, deliberately makes use of anchors in order to empower people to have control over their emotional states. There are specific NLP techniques in which a stimulus is used to trigger and link an emotional state. The stimulus is usually external and may be a sound or touch. Through these techniques it is possible to for an individual to build up a resource of positive emotional states, which they can access in any situation in which they need them. It is also possible to completely collapse negative anchors so that external stimuli that cause you negative emotional states will no longer be a problem.

You will already have all positive emotional resources within you that you need. NLP, Edinburgh, can enable you to make use of these. Having this control will have a profound effect on all aspects of your life, particularly your relationships. You will find that you are able to behave in new and flexible ways. If you feel learning to use anchors would benefit you, it would be advisable to see an NLP practitioner. Anchoring is something that you can learn to self-administer and is a life-long skill that will get you better results.

The process involves remembering specific times in the past when you have experienced the emotional resource you wish to anchor. What great is that you can borrow positive emotional resources that occur in response to certain situations in your life and use them in other situations where wish you had them! So, the motivation that you felt in planning a particular holiday can be borrowed and used as the motivation you need in order to get you to the gym!

Why not spend time now thinking about specific times in the past when you have felt happy or have been laughing so hard it hurts! You will be amazed at all the positive emotions you have experienced and how it is possible to re-create these feelings again just by thinking about them. Do this and you are well on your way to being the boss of your emotional state.

Karen Hastings is an occupational therapist and runs a private therapy practice in Hertfordshire. Karen has worked in the NHS with individuals with acute and chronic mental-health problems. She is also a master NLP practioner and offers cognitive behaviour therapy Edinburgh, visit http://www.karenhasings.co.uk

What’s In Your Coping Toolbox?

Life consistently presents us with challenges and changes and at times this can lead to us feeling stressed. Planning how to manage and cope in various life situations, and finding out which coping skills work best for you, is the key to succeeding with stress rather then experiencing distress. When clients come to see me for NLP and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Edinburgh, it is a big part of therapy that they develop and become confident in employing coping skills. This article contains ideas for coping with stress and also acute emotional crises. If you are experiencing stress or emotional imbalance, CBT and hypnotherapy is available in Edinburgh.

Here are some ideas for coping with stress:

1. Understand more about stress – this involves recognising your sources of stress and how stress affects you personally. Plan for stressful periods.

2. Problem-solve – what is the problem, be specific and break it down into realistic achievable components. Then set goals on how to deal with each problem. Make sure you include how to begin your plan of action.

3. Develop new behaviour – if you take on too much or have problems saying no, learn to be assertive. There are plenty of courses at local colleges or you may prefer to see a therapist 1:1. Learn to manage your time more effectively and delegate wherever possible! Avoid procrastination; whilst you are not doing it, you’ll only be spending energy worrying about it.

4. Make sure you develop a support network – deliberately develop good supportive relationships. Ask for help when needed and accept it when offered. You must also be prepared to do the same for others.

5. Make time to relax and enjoy yourself – how many of us know we should do more of this but don’t make the time? Set aside time each day to relax and build this into your routine. Develop hobbies and leisure activities that help you too switch off.

Can you imagine yourself doing any of these activities when you need to cope?

Asserting yourself - Contacting one of your supports - Listening to music

Exercising- Taking a break - Going to a movie -Reading a book -Laughing/crying - Taking a walk - Taking a nice long bath - Writing a letter or a journal - Learning something new - Eating something healthy – Helping someone else.

It is important to identify and practice using coping tools if you want to be able to deal with your stress successfully. Obviously, it is not always possible to plan for stress as situations can happen that we do not expect. If you find yourself experiencing a period of crises, or intense painful emotions there are still coping strategies that you can employ in that moment.

Ideas For Coping with Acute Emotional Distress

1. Use of distraction – the aim of this is to limit the time you spend in contact with the emotional stimuli, the things that are causing you to feel emotional. The stimuli could be anything from another person to the thoughts that you are having. Distraction involves doing something else to absorb your attention.

2. Imagery – think of safe and soothing images. This involves imagining images that make you feel good, it may be a favourite place, person, pet or scenes from nature.

3. Relaxation – learn a simple technique like using peripheral vision to induce relaxation. Peripheral vision is effective at switching on the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of the nervous system responsible for making us feel calm. It’s not possible to feel anxious or distressed whilst fully relaxed in peripheral vision.

4. One thing in the moment – as adults we tend to spend much of our time stuck contemplating what went wrong in the past or what may go wrong in the future. Try and just focus on the ‘moment’. Perhaps this may involve thinking something like ‘I’m in my house in my favourite chair, I’m warm and comfortable and I have a good book to read’.

5. Exercise – physical activity can help to disperse the chemicals released in your body by the stress response. It also releases feel good chemicals known as endorphins.

6. Sooth yourself - do something to nurture your 5 senses. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

Karen Hastings is an occupational therapist who provides NLP and CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Edinburgh) sessions in Morningside, Bruntsfield, Marchmont and Tollcross, Edinburgh. More information is available http://www.karenhastings.co.uk.

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