• Home
• About

Subscribe

Are You A Good Reciever?

All of us have desires we would be thrilled to see actualize in our lives but often can’t seem to make them happen. If you are taking action to make your wants happen but seem challenged in getting them, it maybe due to a lack of good receiving skills.

Let’s imagine a group of friends, Kelly, John, Larry, Julie and Rebecca, go out for lunch. Larry is just full of compliments…

a) Larry: John, congrats on your promotion at work.

John: Well, I worked 12 hour days for the last 6 months.

b) Larry: Rebecca, your new condo is really great.

Rebecca: Oh well, I am barely making it. Hopefully I can keep up with the expenses.

c) Larry: Julie, your garden is shaping up nicely.

Julie: Thanks and Larry, I love what you did with the living room paint.

d) Larry: Kelly, I love your new sweater.

Kelly: Thanks.

What kind of receiver are YOU? Are you like…

a) John? Do need to justify why you deserve what you got?

b) Rebecca? Do you need to diminish your success so others don’t feel smaller than you?

c) Julie? Do you feel like you need to reciprocate the compliment to be polite? Even if you really don’t feel what you are saying to them?

d) Kelly? Are you able to receive a compliment, no strings?

If you are like Kelly, you are probably a good receiver. What does this mean in relation to your life? Well, if you have been visioning what you want AND taking action, but not seeing results, you may not be a good receiver. How are you supposed to ACCEPT your good into your life, when you can’t even receive a simple compliment and feel you deserve it, no strings?

Let’s analyze the 4 types of receivers:

a) The Justifier: Often, something inside you doesn’t really believe you are worthy to receive and so you must find reasons why you deserve it. Sometimes it is because every time you have been giving something in the past, it was NOT unconditional. It was another person’s way of subtly manipulating you into doing what they wanted. And so you learned that you are not worthy to receive just for the sake of it. Now, to be cautious of receiving, you feel the need to justify.

b) The Diminisher: you want to be socially accepted. You would never want to make someone feel bad about his or her own situation because you have more. It may create jealously and affect your relationship long term. You respond by diminishing your own success.

c) The Reciprocator: You have been taught that when someone gives you something, you must give back. As a result, you go out of your way to return the compliment or favour. That is not to say that you shouldn’t give to others. Absolutely give and spread the joy BUT only give when it is genuine and unconditional.

d) The Receiver: You understand that the world is a balance of give and take. You are comfortable in receiving as you are confident that it will come back to the other in some form or another.

Now that you are aware of your receiving pattern, start noticing your reactions and focus on simply saying “thank-you” when receiving a gift or compliment. If you don’t already do this, it will feel really strange. But keep it up long enough and you will change your pattern and slowly start to receive your desires. Happy Receiving!

Cindy Ashton is an expert in helping people kiss their monsters & unleash their courage. Born with a 20% chance of living, Cindy’s life triumphs are a miracle. She presents keynote speeches, interactive seminars & motivational concerts across North America. http://www.cindyashton.com

Choosing The Perfect Flower Arrangement To Send To A Loved One

Any occasion can be an occasion to send flowers. People love to receive them. The color, scent, and appeal of receiving flowers can send anyone receiving them into euphoria.

There are many ways to say you care, however send a beautiful bouquet is perhaps the best. In the past, when you wanted to send flowers to someone in another city or state, you would either have to deliver them yourself or pay an exorbitant delivery fee.

All of this changed when florist became part of the online community. In the beginning, the service was still being refined and the service needed a lot of work, however, today, finding a florist is as easy as typing the keywords into the Google search engine.

Using an online florist to deliver your message of love is one of the most thoughtful gifts that you can give. Whether your loved one is across the city or across the world, you can deliver the most beautiful bouquets overnight!

There are a lot of benefits to using an online florist.

• The selection is incredible; you can find beautiful bouquets and flowers in brilliant colors available year round.

• Online florists work together, making is very easy to locate hard to find or even rare flowers to create a special arrangement.

• Online help is available when you need it. If you are not sure of what to send for an occasion, florists are available by telephone, email and live chat to assist you in your selection.

Finding the best online florist is not difficult; once you have done the Google search, check out the sites that stand out. You will be able to relax in the comfort of your own home and scroll through each site on your own time. You will however, be hooked when you start surfing, you will not want to stop until you have found the perfect arrangement.

Finding the perfect arrangement may be just as exciting sending it. Each online florist will have a magnificent website full of the most brilliant and magnificently arranged flowers. If you have a difficult time in choosing, there are customer service representatives that can assist you.

Online florists want your business. Some will offer special discounts others may offer free delivery. It is important to research all of your options before you decide on just one.

When you are sending flowers to someone special, you want to make sure that they are perfect. Online florists want you to return to their site again and again, and will do everything possible to make sure that the bouquet that is sent is exactly what you ordered. They also rely on word of mouth, and if you are happy with the service, you are more likely to refer your family and friends.

Sending flowers is an excellent way to say you are thinking of someone. He or she may be overwhelmed when the bouquet is delivered. You do not have to wait for a holiday or special occasion to send flowers, simply letting someone know you are thinking of him or her makes the bouquet even more special.

Peter Geisheker is the CEO of The Geisheker Group marketing company Peter develops and implements strategic marketing programs for businesses including Rochester NY Florist and Best Online Florists.

Everything Happens For A Reason

From our daily routines to big events such as getting married, a new job or a well deserved vacation, we get fixed in our expectations. When our ‘perfect’ plans go awry as they tend to do in life, it is easy to get negative, frustrated and doubtful. But when things don’t go as you think they should or as you wanted them to, it is a fantastic opportunity to grow and learn. Here are some ways to look at why:

1. It may be a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs:

Imagine that Peter worked to the bone for months on end and finally got to go on a vacation. For weeks prior he was visioning himself relaxing on the beach, playing with the kids, and so on. The vacation came and it was a disaster … from food poisoning to bad service to rainy weather. What happened? Perhaps Peter holds a belief deep inside that unless he is working and productive, he is not worthy. Or maybe he had a bad experience on his last trip and is still holding onto the past. This ‘disaster’ is great opportunity for him to look inside and start to change his patterning.

2. There may be a better route for you:

When I was 18, I was desperate to be a dancer but got rejected from the only degree dance program in Ontario because my grades were 2% below the cut off. Although I was devastated at the time, it was truly a blessing. A month later I went and trained full time in a professional dance company, 6 hours a day. Within a week, I snapped a ligament in my ankle and damaged my knee; within a month the director heard me singing to myself and cast me to sing in the show; within 2 months, I was accepted into a post secondary diploma program for… singing, not dancing. Since I never had a lesson in my life, it was a big sign. When I applied for university again, I got into the music program on talent despite my grades still being too low. My big rejection forced me onto the path I am still on today… 14 years later. So when things don’t go your way, there may be something far greater for you. Have faith!

3. It is not the right timing:

Let’s say you and your partner have been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years. Suddenly, a parent gets sick forcing all your energy towards helping them through their crisis. Can you imagine how difficult that would be if you have a small baby? Or maybe there was something you had to learn – perhaps by tending to the sick parent, you gained greater insight and compassion… tools that would make you a better parent when the timing was right.

4. We don’t always know why:

Sometimes when we don’t know why something happens, we have to come to a place of trust – have the faith that whatever the outcome is in our best and highest good. For example: Let’s say Donna was on her way to an important interview for her ideal job – an opportunity she had worked towards for over 10 years. While driving, she realized she forgot her portfolio at home. She drove back home, got what she needed and drove off to her interview. Luck had it that she encountered lots of traffic and arrived 45 minutes late. The potential boss refused to see her and she lost her ‘dream’ job. Although it seems like a disaster, it may have been a blessing. For all we know, if Donna would have had her portfolio and continued to drive, she would have got into a life threatening accident or maybe she would have got the job but ended up with a bully as a boss. We really don’t know but ultimately, no matter what happens in our life, we must trust that it is in our best and highest good.

When things don’t go as planned, look inside and start asking questions: Is there a belief or negativity within me that has blocked my good? Is there something I need to learn from this so I can have success next time? If all seems clear, then perhaps there is a better route for you or the timing needs to be right. Ultimately, we must always know that everything happens for a reason, so have faith that all will unfold as it needs to.

Cindy Ashton is an expert in helping people kiss their monsters & unleash their courage. Born with a 20% chance of living, Cindy’s life triumphs are a miracle. She presents keynote speeches, interactive seminars & motivational concerts across North America. http://www.cindyashton.com

Shifting Perspective During Troubling Times

Challenging situations and disappointment are an essential part of the journey through the mountains and valleys we call life. We can either move through them kicking and screaming, resisting ‘what is’ to the bitter end or we can choose to … SHIFT PERSPECTIVE!

Back in high school, I was determined to become a professional dancer. Every moment of my existence was focused on that one goal – whether I was chewing my food to the beat of a tap step or walking with my tail bone nicely tucked under in a perfect ballet posture. I could be in math class working on geometry while choreography ran through the lines and curves on the page. Wherever I was, dance was. I applied to York University for dance. It was my only option as it was the only degree program for dance in Ontario at the time. I did my audition in March and waited anxiously to find out if I was accepted. June came around and I received a thin envelope in the mail… I was not accepted into the program because my grades were 2% too low. The hysterics began and I spent days crying my eyes out. I felt like all my dreams were taken away for me within a snap second – I simply couldn’t see that there may be another path.

All of us have experienced this type of disappointment or challenge. When you feel stuck as I was, follow these steps to shift perspective and turn things around. I have given the resolution to my situation as an example.

STEP ONE: Acknowledge and accept the situation as is. There is no point in trying to create a positive change if you are in denial. Certain circumstances cannot be changed but the outcome can be. Therefore it is essential to evaluate what is the truth in it, accepting that truth and then choosing the best path to get through it.

“I accept that I was rejected from the dance program. I can’t change the outcome. I need to stop dwelling on it.”

STEP TWO: Ask yourself: “How does this benefit me?” No matter how challenging a situation may be, there is always a positive that can come out of it.

“It will give me a year off to improve my grades, do further dance training and work part time, saving more money for tuition. In the long run, I will have less student debt. ”

STEP THREE: Shift perspective! What other choices do you have? How far can you think outside the box? How outrageous can you be? Come up with at least 10 options.

1. “I can train in a full time dance company, getting hands on experience.

2. “ I can work full time for 6 months, then use the money to go live in NY and train with the best.”

3. And so on….

STEP FOUR: Create an action plan and go! Decide which of those options excite you the most and take the positive steps.

“I am going to make a list of professional dance companies in Ontario by June 20th. Submit applications by June 25th.”

Right now, list a challenge or disappointment you are dealing with. Go through the steps and take charge. You are amazing and can shift ANYTHING. There is always a solution. Have fun with the process

Cindy Ashton is an expert in helping people kiss their monsters & unleash their courage. Born with a 20% chance of living, Cindy’s life triumphs are a miracle. She presents keynote speeches, interactive seminars & motivational concerts across North America. http://www.cindyashton.com

Healthly Breathing For Relaxation

With the power to heal our bodies, minds and souls, learning to breath efficiently is essential to well being. When used consciously, breathing releases toxins and stored emotions, creates a relaxation response and enhances intuition. Breathing dysfunctions, such as hyperventilation, shallow breathing and breath holding, creates pain and stress in all levels. However, like any other skill, healthy breathing can be learned, eliminating these dysfunctions.

Healthy breathing is controlled by the diaphragm, a concave muscle running along the base of the ribs. When we inhale, the diaphragm pushes our internal organs down and flattens out causing the abdominal region to rise. The exhalation happens automatically by impulse.

The first step to developing good breathing habits is awareness. Often when we ‘try’ to breath, we do so in our chests. I suggest you lie on your back. If you have back problems, place a pillow under your knees.

STEP ONE: Place your hands on your stomach, close your eyes and just notice. Don’t try to take deep breaths yet.

STEP TWO: Once you feel the breath drop into your diaphragm, you should feel your hands rise up with the inhalation and down with the exhalation. Try to perceive the sensations you feel so you can duplicate the response at a later time.

STEP THREE: As you attune to the sensations, start to breath in more deeply. If you find the breath goes back up into the chest, repeat the process.

Once you are confident in diaphragmatic breathing, use the breath to consciously relax.

STEP ONE: Scan your body from head to toe, observing the areas of pain, discomfort and tension. Imagine deeply breathing into those areas and then releasing the pain upon exhalation. Continue to breathe into those areas and release until you feel less discomfort. I often imagine blowing out black smoke that gets eaten by a cloud of white light and floats away. Try to create several images for yourself and see what works better.

STEP TWO: Balance the exhale/inhale ratio by breathing in for 4 counts then exhaling for 4 counts. Try not to hold your breath between cycles, keeping it flowing continuously.

STEP THREE: Create a relaxation response by exhaling longer than the inhalation. So begin with breathing in for 4, exhaling for 6. Then inhaling for 4, exhaling for 8.

Once you feel relaxed, refreshed and ready to go, be sure to balance the breath (4 in, 4 out). If you stand up too quickly without balancing, you may experience dizziness.

Realistically, we don’t go about our daily activities lying down. So once your ‘floor’ technique is solid, stand up or sit in a chair and see if you can still create the sensations of breathing deeply in the belly. The majority of people have difficulty breathing deeply when erect. Here are various strategies. Test out which method works best for you.

CIRCLE BREATHING: as you inhale slowly, imagine a line of white light traveling from your tail bone, up your spine to the crown of your head. As you exhale, see that line travel in front of your body, down and around back to the tail bone.

THIRDS: Imagine your lungs are split into thirds - bottom, middle and top. Fill each third sequentially, starting at the base of your ribs.

WAVES: Envision yourself on a beach seeing the waves gently coming in and out. As the waves caress the shore, breathe in and as they travel back into the sea, breathe out.

TREE: stamp your feet on the ground, firmly planting them. Imagine you are a tree and your feet have roots that grow deep into the ground. Breath through those roots up through your legs into your entire being. With practice, it is possible to feel breath moving through your entire body.

GROUNDING STANCE: place feet slightly more than shoulder width apart and allow your feet to be slightly pigeon toed. Press your feet outwards as if you were trying to split the floor in two. Notice your seat bones separate with breath dropping down into that area. This stance is also great for really feeling your own power. If you have an upcoming proposal or confrontation, get into this stance and envision what you want.

SHOULDER RELEASE: Roll your shoulders back and allow the scapula to drop (good for posture!). Then inhale as you allow your scapula to drop down further.

YOGA POSES (for those of you who practice): try the squat, crocodile and child’s poses.

The final step of course is to bring these techniques into everyday. Start to scan your body often during the day. When you feel stiff, be sure to move around gently and breathe into the tension, releasing it. When you are stressed, balance your breathing followed by exhaling longer. When stuck in an argument or fearful situation, walk away to clear your head. If you can’t remove yourself, breathe deeply so you can slow down and hopefully respond with a rational mind. Most importantly, take time to just sit and breathe everyday. It will help you re-balance your body and notice your mind chatter. As you become aware of your thoughts and body, you can begin to create change and a more balanced life. Happy breathing!

Cindy Ashton is an expert in helping people kiss their monsters & unleash their courage. Born with a 20% chance of living, Cindy’s life triumphs are a miracle. She presents keynote speeches, interactive seminars & motivational concerts across North America. http://www.cindyashton.com

Who Shouldn’t Be Hypnotized: Are You Among The Few?

Maybe you’ve read an article about the wonders of hypnosis: how it can eliminate negative habits like smoking and overeating; boost performance in sports, career, and artistic endeavors; help people sleep, let go of fears like public speaking, improve the odds of conception, and even make childbirth easier.

It seems like there’s nothing hypnosis can’t do—and no one who shouldn’t be using it, right?

But that’s not altogether true.

There are a few people for whom hypnosis is not advised for a variety of reasons, and others who might just want to think twice about making an appointment with a practitioner. Are you one of them? Find out now:

- Are your expectations unrealistic?

You may have heard that hypnosis can change your life. It can. And sometimes, yes, it feels like magic. But it isn’t magic. And it requires willingness and a bit of effort on your part—particularly in knowing what you want it to do for you, how you’ll know it worked (what specific, tangible results you expect), and in being willing and able to follow instructions.

Sometimes homework is assigned to make the hypnotic suggestions real in your life.

For instance, I hypnotize many of my clients for dating and relationship success. I then request that they do some real-world experimentation to assess improvement and where they still need work.

After hypnotizing a client I’ll call Joan to feel as attractive inside as she looked outside, I asked her to attend a large and a small social event and notice how she felt in each. We discovered that she needed more reinforcement to feel confident and desirable in a smaller crowd.

We met for a special session that focused specifically on that circumstance, and I gave her one conscious-mind exercise to do while dressing for her next event.

Today she is happily dating a great guy and still using the exercises we designed for her when she deems them useful.

- Is someone pushing you into using hypnosis?

Don’t waste your time and money on hypnosis if it’s not something you want to do. Do it because there’s something in your life you want to change, enhance, or improve. Do it simply to experience the process. Do it to learn self-hypnosis so you can coach yourself to relax, improve in your sport, open up to others, attract people to date, or do well in a job interview.

Do it because you enjoy new experiences.

Do it because a friend of yours got so much out of his hypnosis session.

Do it because you meditate or use creative visualization, and you heard that hypnosis is similar, but often more powerful.

Do it because it’s cool.

Because you read about it or saw it in a movie.

Do it because your boss stopped smoking through hypnosis and claims it saved his life.

Do it because a film star did it in his personal life and raves about its success.

But don’t do it because someone is pressuring you. It’s the wrong reason and it could taint your experience of something that could be worthwhile in the future.

- Are you unwilling or unable to follow the instructions the hypnotist gives you during the session?

If your personality or worldview is such that you can’t or won’t follow instructions, a hypnosis session could be a waste for you.

It’s okay to be skeptical about hypnosis given the misconceptions of the past (now much of medicine embraces it), but if you are bent on resisting what the hypnotist says, there’s no need to book a session.

The practitioner does not claim to be a magician, wizard, or enforcer. She is trained in a

procedure that works very effectively when you cooperate, and less or not at all when you don’t.

To get optimal results for your hard-earned dollar, be honest, follow instructions, and reap the benefits for years to come.

You may do so well that you choose to learn self hypnosis for maximum autonomy and independence. And wouldn’t that be useful almost everywhere in your life?

- Are you simply trying to prove hypnosis doesn’t work—or doesn’t work on you?

Hypnosis works, if you want it to, and follow instructions, and are working with a practitioner who knows what she’s doing and with whom you feel comfortable. Hypnosis usually doesn’t work if you don’t want it to. (For many people it’s also useful to arrive at the session relatively free of caffeine.)

That’s that. So if you’re coming to prove that you are not hypnotizable, save your money:

You ARE in control.

You CAN keep it from working.

Now use that session fee for something else. There is no need to prove your unhypnotizability further.

However, if you do want to use hypnosis to improve your life, and you’re simply worried that you can’t be hypnotized, and you truly want to, try this: find a good hypnotist you feel comfortable with, be open, ask your questions, share your worries, and then just relax and follow instructions.

- Do you have epilepsy?

In the past, those with epilepsy were strictly advised not to enter the hypnotic state. The reason was that in people prone to epilepsy, hypnosis could conceivably initiate a seizure. This does not happen to people who do not have epilepsy.

Interestingly, Science Digest (online; Feb 15 2008 issue) describes a scenario at the Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital where they induce hypnosis specifically to determine whether a child’s seizure-like movements are epileptic or non-epileptic. If hypnosis brings on the seizures, the child is considered epileptic.

If you have experienced what appear to be symptoms of epilepsy, and would like to use hypnosis, ask your doctor if it’s okay before proceeding. Ideas about this may vary among the medical field, and it’s important to get the opinion of someone both knowledgeable and trustworthy.

- Are you ready, willing and able?

Go to it. Bring your thoughts, questions, hopes and desires. Enjoy the experience.

To find a reliable professional near you, contact the National Guild of Hypnotists and make use of their free referral service: 603-429-9438 in Merrimack, NH. They will be more than pleased to give you a referral, often by specialty if you ask.

Best Reverse Phone Number Search Provider

With so many reverse phone search providers out there I wanted to offer some tips on finding the best one for your money. Some sites I joined were just scams offering outdated and worthless information and once they have your money it is really difficult to get a refund. I found this out the hard way.

Reverse phone searches can really come in handy if you want to dig up some info on an unknown phone number. Want to find out who belongs to that strange phone number on your husband or wife’s cell phone? With a reverse phone search it is very easy to find out all sorts of info on any phone number.

It can also be used for finding out who was been making prank calls to your home. Imagine then look of shock on the crank callers face when you call them back in at 3:00 AM and rattle off their home address back to them and tell them to stop calling. This will usually stop prank callers immediately.

When searching for the best reverse phone number search provider you want to look for one that keeps there data base updated. Some of the website I have joined over the years have been terrible. Using my own phone number as a test the only results I could get were my old outdated address that told me that their database have not been updated in the years.

On the other hand some of the sites gave me so much information about myself I was shocked. The good thing about becoming a member is that you can request your info to be kept private. This was a nice unexpected benefit.

So how do you decide on what site to join for getting the best results for your money? First do a preliminary search on there site with the number you want more info on. If it returns no results you can move on. Your search should at least give you the town and tell you if it is a residential or a business phone number. To get the rest of the information you will have to join.

Many sites will tell you that you can do a reverse call search for free but I have yet to find one that will not require some sort of payment. Another decision you will have to make is to buy the one time number look up or for a little more money get a yearly membership. Almost always the year option is your best bet.

Reverse phone searches can come in handy and since you will have the service for an entire year you will be surprised on what you will start using it for. You could even start a home business providing reverse phone searches for other people for a small fee. This will more than cover the cost of your membership and provide you with a nice little income stream. Since doing a search for someone only takes a few seconds it is some pretty easy money.

Is that site you are going to join a scam? Get the insiders report and review on the best reverse phone search providers here - http://reverse-call-search.com We rated the top providers.

Staying Confident To Achieve Success

Many of us have goals we want to accomplish. We set our intentions and forge the way, but the minute something discourages us or stands in our way, we get knocked off our horse and lose our momentum. We doubt ourselves and our goals, ultimately losing confidence in our abilities. With this decrease in confidence, we often end up making choices that are not in our best and highest good. We settle for second best because we are either desperate, impatient or don’t believe we can do better.

If you have a strong vision of what you want, you need to stay confident and focused on that end result no matter what is thrown at you. We never know how long it may take to achieve our goal or what lessons we are to learn along the way. When we do not see immediate results, it is easy to get stuck in the negative and lose faith in ourselves.

How do we stay confident?

STEP ONE: All of us have already accomplished many things along our journey. I challenge you to write at least 100 things you have experienced in the past. Just list them. It can be big or small, obstacles you survived, accolades or anything else. All that you list is a success of some sort. If you don’t think you have accomplished much in your life, start by listing successes such as: I bought myself a blanket to cover me when I sleep. To have money to purchase something that will provide warmth is a huge success to a person in a 3rd world country.

STEP TWO: Choose 1 thing on that list and write all the details about it. What you choose to write about should be a large obstacle you overcame or a goal you achieved. Write how you felt before, during and after that experience; what steps you took to resolve it; what lessons you learned; and what blessings came out of it. You will realize how strong and amazing you are.

STEP THREE: When you feel discouraged and start to lack the confidence to continue to pursue your goal, go back to the list and read over all that you have experienced in your life. Make sure to read your detailed journal entry about the obstacle you overcame. It will remind you to be confident and believe in yourself as you have EVERYTHING you need within yourself to accomplish your goals.

STEP FOUR: Continue to add successes to your list as you experience life. Also take time to write more detailed journal entries in order to build the feeling of confidence. In the long run, you will have a fantastic resource called your success journal. As you focus on your successes, your accomplishments will increase.

The only thing standing in your way is your own confidence and belief in yourself. You can accomplish anything you set your intentions on. Enjoy the process of life and know, with your new found confidence, you will achieve your goals.

Cindy Ashton is an expert in helping people kiss their monsters & unleash their courage. Born with a 20% chance of living, Cindy’s life triumphs are a miracle. She presents keynote speeches, interactive seminars & motivational concerts across North America. http://www.cindyashton.com

The Best Relationships Help You Will Ever Find

Often men and women are at opposite ends of the spectrum when the issue of relationships is taken into account. Their behaviors and differences are most noticeable when taking into consideration how they behave during emotion charged conflicts. This provides a clear insight into realizing how they process their differences.

According to surveys written by relationship counselors, limited communication is credited for more than half of the failed relationships that are observed and documented. This is not a surprise to anyone who has lived inside a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of weeks.

One very interesting factor is the number of reasons that lead to the failure of relationships. Stories of the behavioral misdeeds and misunderstandings that trigger relationship disasters reveal an intricate series of obvious manipulations.

Differences in how individuals in a relationship were raised and the reasons couples came together in the first place can differ so much that their motives often contribute to tears in the fabric of the relationship.

One example is the emotional baggage one or both partners may carry from from having survived terrible childhood experiences. What is learned from each perspective that is observed provides examples that counselors apply from their session successes and small failures.

This equips them to help couples from a diverse range of points of view. The knowledge and experience of long sessions with couples focused coaching provides relationship coaches a rich storehouse of tools for helping partners in a relationship.

The old expression, “Knowledge is power,” sounds true once it is pointed toward a relationship’s survival. When couples take even a few minutes to focus on their relationship strengths, they can learn to make the relationship stronger. By stronger I mean, the strength that many relationships experience is founded on old mental junk being experienced over and over by the partners.

In nearly every situation couples keep their baggage a secret from their partner. Most of the time partners wait until it’s too late to share their baggage with their partner. The primary issue that hurts the relationship is often not the emotional baggage or the related issues that contribute to the break up of the relationship.

What tends to accelerate the failure of the relationship is the silent misery and suffering compounded with a quietly held feeling that the other partner should actually know everything about this baggage, even though neither of them has ever risked talking directly about the issue that causes them to suffer.

Working to make your relationship work may seem like a big task but often adding more humor can have an amazing impact. There are many ways to put your relationship on a different track, but it may take lots of out of the box thinking to get the ball rolling. John Maxwell, the extremely talented author of “Relationships 101,” says, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” In many relationships couples ignore this most valuable part of any relationship’s potential for improvement.

Thinking more about looking at ways of growing your relationship outside he physical level of living together, means each partner must be profoundly dedicated to the other partner. Once both partners center on their loyalty to each other change can begin.

This step includes undertaking the risk of assuming each of the partners is keeping a secret about the baggage they bought into the relationship. This is not a suggestion that partners pry or aggressively intrude into the other partner’s privacy, because privacy is always vital in a relationship.

The message here is that while privacy must forever be honored, partners must share the secrets that could hurt the relationship if they are not disclosed. Communicating is not requiring your partner to divulge every detail of their day. True communication travels to physical and emotional locations untouched by words alone.

What helps to translate the balance that is required starts with looking into the heart of the matter and searching for a means of locating a handle on one’s own baggage. Many times partners are attracted to each other because of their differences.

It is well known that children who experience an abusive environment will mostly find themselves in an abusive relationship as an adult. Acknowledging the reality of the presence of this baggage in one’s self forms the basis of the subconscious desire for the other partner’s understanding in the form of silent knowing.

Additionally, it is also true that this baggage, once revealed, helps the partner gain an enhanced understanding of the behaviors and barriers that have been part of the relationship. The healing and preventative process should start out with a message and an understanding that all old baggage, both known and unknown, lives|in the relationship.

Both partners must also acknowledge that open and honest communication is the primary component for the success of the relationship, while limited communication can be the main cause for any potential for the failure of the relationship. Relationships where limited communication is the norm won’t survive.

Relationships survive when open and sensitive communication is active and practiced regularly. Once open communication is ends, so does the relationship.

Get Relationship Help and Relationship Coaching from the official love doctor.

Happiness And The Friendly Universe

Einstein once said that the most important question a person can ask himself is, “Is this a friendly universe?” As part of the research I did for my new book, Happy for No Reason, I interviewed over one hundred unconditionally happy people. What I found was that they all answered Einstein’s question with a resounding “Yes!”

Rather than thinking the universe is out to get them, happy people believe the universe is out to support them. They see all the events in their lives through the lens of, “Ultimately, this is happening for my good. There are no mistakes. Let me look for the blessing in this.” This belief in a friendly universe is the root of their relaxed and trusting attitude in life.

There’s even research showing that a belief in a friendly universe can impact a person’s health. A recent study conducted by Gail Ironson, Ph.D., M.D., professor of Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Miami, found that people with HIV who believed in a loving universal power remained healthier longer than people who believed in a universal power that was punishing.

This may be a hard concept to swallow. Certainly there are many horrible things that happen in this world: war, persecution, famine, and suffering. It’s easy to think that we don’t live in a friendly universe. The one thing that’s helped me embrace the idea that the universe is always out to support me is the knowledge that all the wise men and women who have ever lived — the sages and saints of the past and present — have shared this belief. I’ve also seen that people who are Happy for No Reason use it as a guiding principle, and you can use it yourself to raise your own happiness level.

Rather than trying to decide whether this principle is true or not, I suggest that you adopt this perspective for the next week or two, and see how different your life feels. That means that whatever happens, assume that the universe is on your side — even if isn’t obvious to you on the face of it.

When I first began doing this myself, I noticed that although I wasn’t jumping up and down with joy and loving everything that happened in my life, I definitely felt a lot more ease and peace inside. When you believe that the universe is out to support you, you’re able to stop resisting what is happening. This doesn’t mean being passive or complacent about the events in the world or in your own life. It simply means not fighting or bemoaning what has already happened and can’t be changed. Many of us spend a tremendous amount of energy being upset and resisting life — when you take the view that there are no mistakes and accept what is, you can use your energy instead to deal effectively with the situation now.

Try it and see. You’ve got nothing to lose but your angst. And I guarantee your happiness level will soar when you realize you do live in a friendly universe after all!

Marci Shimoff is author of the new book Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out; plus Chicken Soup for the Woman

Next Page »